Seeking You!

Found him, found him finally,
made me think, ponder ,wonder caused a big blunder
but endless sleepless nights have ended now.
Found him, found him truly forever now!

Thought the way life was, seemed so unstable
the way things looked so unreal,
and then again no one can assure me except myself,
things will alter , new changes they'd bring in.
Found him, found him truly forever now?

Learned a lot by listening to others, questions querries and abstract answers
Turned to him and looked within for strength,
turn the force, go against the tide,
He assured by me he would always abide.
Found him now, found him truly forever NOW!!!!!!!

Loved him effortlessly, brought to my face a smile,
made me forget all worries, left me dreaming of a good future,
Liked my craziness , eloped with my fascinations
intricate he thinks is my exhuberance, demands no justifications.
Found him now, found him truly forever now,

This newly found someone , my sweetheart, my loved one.
This new peace of mind and this new solace
is none other than a sweet surrender
a long term CHANGE !!!!!!!!

virtual trust

On a bright sunny day, I happen to have an intriguing conversation with a person far away, not even visible to me. I have never met this person before, just a friend’s friend. And this friend I haven’t met in a long time either. It’s been a long time and people change but some do not and I always place my bets on most who do not change. Or rather I like to believe that they will not change for I adore them, admire them sometimes even foolishly revere them.
Internet and computers sure have made life easier. We can bond across the seas and cross the barriers of distance in no time. However like every rose has a thorn, this fast paced means of communication certainly messes up life and faith in humans quite often.
One thought that came to my mind as I talked to this indirect friend, most certainly was brought up in the conversation, What if? What if the person across seven seas is lying? What if he or she says they are XYZ and they are not? What if they say they are born with a silver spoon and they are not?
Have you ever imagined, you fall head over heels in love with someone you haven’t seen and then are ready to give up all to meet the person, spend a lifetime with the person and no sooner have you jumped the bandwagon, does this wonderful soul reveal secrets that were never meant to be told. The person was cheating on you. The person was breaking your trust each time you thought they were oh so loyal!!!!!!!!!!!
Or think of this scene, when a person is talking to you, assuring you the sky and then one day when things go wrong by the score, as they sometimes do, the person never even checks on you. You notice inconsistency but what can you do? You are bound by the anonymity, the incapability to control circumstances.
So many more things happen and I really wonder if we should trust the person on the other side who is on the other end of an Online Chat conversation.
But then again if you don’t trust you might not meet those few gems out there. All I think we can do is take everything with a pinch of salt and life won’t be so complicated. And what the hell, even if it is complicated? It is much more fun that way. Isn’t it?

DO YOU FEEL LIKE THIS?

IF YOU SAY 'YES, EXACTLY LIKE HOW I FEEL'; THEN................
YOU NEED TO CHECK YOUR EXPECTATIONS/ BELIEFS...........THESE ARE IRRATIONAL BELIEFS.IF YOU AGREE YOU FEEL IN A PARTICULAR MENTIONED WAY THEN DON'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU GET DISAPPOINTED IF THEY DO NOT HAPPEN!!!!!!

1. It is absolutely necessary for me to be loved and approved of by nearly everybody
2. I must be thoroughly competent & adequate in all respects or I am worthless
3. Certain people are bad and wicked and must be punished and blamed
4. If things are not the way I like them, then it is a terrible catastrophe
5. Unhappiness is caused by external events over which I have no control.
6. Some things are terribly dangerous and life threatening, so I must keep thinking about them most of the time
7. It is easier to avoid difficulties and responsibilities than to face them
8. I am not able to do things myself; I must find somebody stronger on whom I can rely
9. I should be very upset over other people’s problems and disturbances
10. What happened to me in the past determines what I do and think now, and because some event was traumatic in the past, it will be traumatic now
11. There is always and right and precise solution to human problems, and if that is not found, I must be very upset

SINCERE SUGGESTION .........BE REALISTIC........RECONSTRUCT FALSE OR IRRATIONAL BELIEFS AND LIFE WILL SMILE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freude

'Freude' is not rare to find when you look within yourself.
It is in every breath you take, in every beat you make.
I was searching so long for something outside of me.Little did I notice that it was right within me.I decided to pause to think how to bring it out. I thought I'd fail but don't care now since anyways cannot take time out.
Solutions ask not what we need.
Solutions tell us what we need!

There was a time I thought everything comes for free, you will get it if it's in your destiny.
And then now I think again.....Is that true? If so then no pain or cry should ensue.
But as we see the reality is else.....I need to make the most of myself.
I need to take control and decide where to go,
Destiny is a wild fire , it goes where the winds flow.

I will make it in life. I will be successful.
I will win it all, I will be so cool
Now this is not an illusion , nor a bragging point.
I demand some consideration for I am one of a kind!

Dream on.....

Dreams are unpredictable
Dreams are subtle
Dreams are a giant wonder
Dreams are never in deep slumber
Dreaming of you, of him and of her
dreaming in void....never heard to occur

Dreams lead to moods,
moods to desires
desires lead to wants
wants specified create tension
tension leads to oblivion
oblivion of all sorts
Oblivion to disagree to say no to division of parts
Parts disintegrated don't tell a story,
parts disjuncted lead to a state so gory........
Dreams are to blame and desires not
if you have no dreams can peace be sought?

And then again dreams are not always wild,
they can be sweet
wishing always something great and grand not simple
goodness and grandeur is lunged for by people
Dreams of gold houses, showers of love and gardens of happiness,
comfortable cars, money machines unlimited.
lovely friends and very few foes.
Dreams keep you going , who says dreams make you fall over your toes

But be careful what you dream for they say when you really want something it does come true,
the whole universe conspires to bring it to you
however how do you know to dream right when you don't know what is in store for you,
a dream , a nightmare or a combo of the two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Courage

Courage is to stand up in a crowd and disagree,

Courage is to learn to ditinguish between every degree

Courage is to face death with a smile

Courage is to withstand the pain of a loved one's death.... all through the while

Courage is to see pain and tell yourself you don't feel anything,

Courage is to face a storm and not break anything.

Courage is to understand the nuances and yet agree there exist none,

Courage is to abandon the easy way out and treat complexity as fun.

Courage is to learn to give and not expect anything back

Courage is latent, hidden , it's not showcased in a pack

Courage outdoes fear, Courage makes you a seer,

Courage demands you dry the tear and courage means; in sadness you cheer.

Courage is faith, Courage is integrity,

Courage is oneness even in 'loneliness - infinity'!

Courageous is a child who can stand up and say 'No' to a stranger offering candy,

Courageous is the soul that can decide for oneself,

Courageous is an octogenerian who refuses to be treated though death is certain otherwise.

Courage comes unknowingly if only you let yourself free from fear of the unknown, self doubt and despise!

Solace

I am so tired of even opening an eyelid now.Everytime I open my eyes, it's a new day with new miseries waiting to pop out of the blue and come and haunt me like that wretched nightmare which I most want to avoid.
Thoughts, thousands of thoughts, pounding, shouting, screaming, a cause of pandemonium.Grey cells wondering, confused.Obligated nerve impulses shoot.
Blood just drives to the nerve endings.What is the purpose, some more food for thought the environment demands.
Thirty times a day I look at the watch.Not to see if time has elapsed but hoping that it passes by fast!
Frustrated i stomp out of a room, irritated with even my own existance.Aura of sadness creeps mysterously , treachously close from within.
There are loads of reasons why and what became.But now there is only one insane answer in this mind.Stop, don't think.Just stop that thought....Now...Right now ...stop that thought NOW. For none have seen tomorrow and tomorrow may be too late to stop!
I want to break free, I want to dissolve,colors of the sun are a reason to live by, stars promise peace but they lay too high.
All I need is a water and shadow of a tree.I'd laze around, but goodness would the thought stop and leave me peaceful and sound?

Country roads take me home..........

Finally the day arrived, I rented a car all on my own (courtesy a courageous friend who accompanied me on the drive), and yes drove on the Interstate.
It was a Nissan Altima, silver in color and smooth as butter.
First few things that went wrong included not adjusting the mirror,not checking the headlights and yeah most importantly, the gears shift- stick was a different make, a different design.
Anyways after much adieu and a few important rules or rather words of wisdom from that friend of mine, I took off from the parking lot of the airport and went to explore the roads of the city.
It was a wonderful feeling to be behind the steering wheel, to be in the control position of the car , rather than being a backseat observer.
Loved the speed factor. The car has good pick up and that i could make out even with the slightest pressure on the accelerator.
Given that I drove a little in India, i really did miss the clutch and stick shift part of driving, however driving was much more relaxed here..........in the U.S
I also made a trip to Peoria and back.Head was throbbing but forced myself to drive for I wouldn't get such a chance again.Did make a couple of mistakes and I think it is more of an ego issue to be told when you make a mistake that you are not supposed to.However to err is human and failure is the stepping stone to success.
Made a futile attempt to parallel park but consoled myself saying the space wasn't big enough to park the car.Indeed it was very little space!!!!!!!!!
Ended a day by driving to a gas station, filling gas and returning the car to the rental company.
Oh wow, what a feeling.All this to get a driving license and to drive away, far far away.One dream, one wish........to make a road trip before i return home.Let's see if I accomplish this one.