Unanswered

I was tagged to complete this list by www.siddharthadelkar.blogspot.com and www.notjustjazz.blogspot.com so I am completing the ordeal....
Actually enjoyed it quite a lot....

I am thinking about when?

I said what?

I want to love whom?

I wish to go where?

I hear silence how?
I wonder really wonder why?
I regret for a while but not all the while.
I am who? I am.
I dance with myself to your tunes....

I sing for myself to my tunes. ......
I cry? Why do I?

I am not always whom?

Do I need to be someone?

I make with my hands guilty of what?
I write plenty nothings which?

I confuse myself and how?
I need to in future lies what?

And finally I realized I have too many questions unanswered but I have a smile on my face because when you smile you look good :)

And now here's tagging a few I know to know some more.....

Victim of Desire

Yatzgad

Swatspace

Nikhil

I R O N I C

Lately I am listening to a lot of new songs and here's one that I just cannot stop listening to.......

It's By Alanis Morissette and is called Ironic

The words go like this................

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought...it figures

This song says so much to me and still it makes me wonder what is it about these words that make me smile and cry at the same time............ Ironic don't you think ?

In Response to A Mac -Lover

A few days ago a fellow contributor of the blogger world wrote an interesting take on
Mac- o - mania.The title of his blog was Psychosexual attachment to Macintosh. Here is a link to his blog http://siddharthadelkar.blogspot.com/2006_09_06_archive.html
Well quite confidently I decided to write about what Freud's take on psychosexual attachment to Macintosh would be and within a day I was lost in confusion about what my response would be.

I have always thought I enjoyed Freud's theory and the psychoanalytic world gave psychology a lot of pathbreaking ideas. In the time and frame that Freud developed his theory, human psyche was chained, burdened by societal norms, dos' and donts', conflicts and above all uncertainity in life and what better a solution than sex or love?

Everything and anything that resulted in Neurosis was termed to be sexual in nature. Not only is this incorrect but often misinterpreted by a lot of people who read Freud's theory without probably reading the history of the place Freud was based.

Nevertheless coming back to what I decided to write this blog for.Freud's concepts of Id, Ego and Superego can definitely be integrated in the loves for a Mac.
Given we are always striving towards creating a balance between the three, Id is the one that needs to be neglected and overruled by the Superego at times.

Mac-lovers probably would use the delete key often enough to reset their thoughts which translates to Freud's idea of the defense mechanism of 'Repression'.
Or going without food and water, aimlessly sticking to the computer screen trying to code, draw or read and not being interested in the outside world could be signs of a Mac - 0 - neurotic. Treatment of course would consist of psychoanalysis which would examine the childhood experiences of isolation that lead to this personality.

Of course there is a growing field of research out there and I'm sure it won't be long before we unfortunately would need deaddiction centers specifically for Computer addicts / Mac addicts (May be Apple can start working on a deaddiction vaccine!!!) OR Centers that specialize in Mac Abuse Counseling...............

I think Siddharth has a point when he talks about a huge stake for human computer interaction research which so far has concentrated on research on internet addiction but after my brief reading on this topic I didn't come across a single article related to the addictive symptoms of machines themselves......................So people out there......Think think....wake up research needs you!

Giggles

Well something that my roomie said just made us both burst into peals of laughter........
I was asking her if I were to surrender myself to her , do things as if she were controlling me, would she be able to change me, my persona..............

quite calmly she replied.
"No , I don't think so, because you surrender yourself and kidnap me...!!!!!!!!"

Thought it was a really interesting way of capturing reality............. Whatsay roomie...still laughing.......

Light

Today a new day
somehow a new way
I'll follow the sun
for the time has come
good time has begun. 

Well said!

Something that came up in a phone conversation which I would like to remember for some time to come.......... And also they say when you revise memory stands strong even under the tests of forgetting

"Money is a by product of well - directional efforts."
(M.S.N , Sept.2006)
I would like to add to this..... "
and well directional efforts are result of a gamble of choices we make."

A li'l lint ain't doing no harm

As you are rushing to work all clad in a clean black suit or a dress have you gotten jiffy over a small wisp of lint lurking on your shoulder? You turn around and try to squeeze all your visual capacities to find the exact location of that lint, bothersome.....
...... it's right there on your shoulder, you can see it but don't know it's exact location and can't reach it.It is in your field of vision just short of the blindspot. Restlessness. Discomfort. Impatience.
Wondering whether this bit of lint will screw up your morning. Doesn't look neat, does it?
Well what if we just let the lint be. How much of trouble would it be to just let the lint be rather than squirming your eyes in trying to locate it, twisting your arm in trying to remove it and shuddering in constant fear whether there isn't another little bit of it lurking close by which you missed!
Imperfection often brings in peace. Any thoughts?

A ; ~(B v C) . therefore intelligent ?

How often do academicians classify people on the basis of grades. Well not so often but quite often enough too.
An A grade in a course means that the student has shown excellent thought and critical analysis of the subject required of him or her. However I always wonder what justice does this do to a student who has the required expertise in regards to thought and analysis but just lacks the persistence.
Or is bogged down by social pressures and loves to party or play music rather than write a paper for the class
Or is emotionally burdened and cannot think straight. Has tears rolling down the cheeks every single time the thought of home or people close to the heart passes in the mind's eye.
Or just doesn't care about grades.
Well but at some point in life every person who belongs to any of the above categories does wonder what it would have been like if he or she were to belong among the elite A's rather than the Bs or Cs of this world. Are they a different breed or are they just like every other Tom across the street?
Success is measured by what what becomes of you and not from where you became. So good grades to me are a necessity only when they reflect the prowess of the person and not otherwise.
They are not markers of wisdom nor are they indicators of sound rationale and judgement. They are merely showcasing the person's ability to learn and score in the school setting.
So much so I would say sometimes it's good to study without a certain grade. Atleast I think I have learnt the most in classes where after mid - semester I didn't care what grade I got by the end of the class but just gave it my 200 % and sure enough like everything in the just world I scored well too.
Thus I will say
A
~ (BvC)
therefore inconclusive !!!

one life...

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think --- La Bruyere

I came across this quote today on some website and I really started wondering if it was true.
Does life become a tragedy for people who just emote and is it really a comedy for those who think and laugh and more importantly are able to laugh at themselves and the idiosyncrasies of life?

Probably true , probably not. Still in the quest of evidence.

Tough Call

Tougher walls that you build , tougher are they to break
nevertheless people budge in , with umpteen hurts they sad you make.

You try to repace the clock , say you never want to stop
you try to turn around but little do you expect a stab

A stab in the back, a blow unexpected
when you let down your guard, that's when you are eliminated.

Give in to kindness only when you are stone - hearted,
expect back everything except for an honest heart courted.

Stop being nice, caring and loving.
Very few deserve any sort of warning

Let them see the ditch and in it fall,
Fall hard and hurt themselves and feel repentence over all

For only then would they think why you did , what you did
For only then would peace prevail where it should.

Sometimes it is indeed necessary for you to get hurt because often what care and love cannot teach, pain and sorrow teach in a split second.

If I could........I would !!!!

If I could, I would......I would spread my wings and fly around the world.....
These are some of the places I'd like to see...... Not in any kind of rank order....it's just random flights of fantasy....Hope at least some of them come true.....

1) Santorini , Greece
Weekend in Santorini, walk on the beaches on starry nights and enjoying the fresh sea breeze through a window of a beautiful villa.

2) Paris , France

A weekend watching and relieving history at the Louvre Museum in Paris. Walking around the flower markets in Paris, and shopping at Christian Dior for exotic perfumes...........

3) Mauritius , Indian Ocean
Relaxing on the beaches. Having a candle light dinner with the one whom I would spend my life with.....

4)Venice , Italy
A Gondola ride through the Venetian Canals........Basking in the Italian sun, Relishing red red wine and a guitar for the ears..........

5) Prague, Czech Republic

Just a quiet walk by the city square and a little music concert with dinner on the sidewalk ........

6) Cologne , Germany

The Koelner Dom, the market with loads of shopping and the chocolate museum.....Loads of vibrant colors and peace in spite of tandem......

7) Ladakh (Pangong Lake) , India

Calm afternoon by the lake, with hot tea and a wonderful book to read and my camera........

Well if dreams come true I will not complain. I don't know when but I will wait........For all these places hold a special place in my heart......and my brain...It's great there are no taxes on dreams... So dream. Dream on.........You never know when the puzzle pieces will fall into place and when the dream would be reality....... Live... live on in hope that the dreams would come true..........

what do they know?...Save a heart that hath tried!!!!

Lonely as a star on a moonless night, I searched through time and came across a perfect sight.
A little icon that felt divine, all it told me was that she was online Gave up all my work and sat up late through the night
At the break of dawn witnessed a dreamy plight.

Couldn't concentrate, couldn't string words straight, Saw how the mechanics of my body failed.
Sleep refused to put my mind to rest, pumping iron I continued in earnest further neglecting all pleasures of mortal being ,
I thrived on pure euphoria of love deceiving.

Mysterious soul mates we were talking and talking till eternity came, felt time should move faster and infinitely stay the same. Thought about the world; a world with just her and me.
And then just me again. Could take it no more than a moment , the absence of her just made my heart torment. Pain wasn't something I avoided long, it always caught up on most domain,
to reach up for something , hold on to faith and then losing everything all over again seemed mundane.

This time around she turned out to be a benevolent soul, she pulled me through the wonderous world, dreaming each day and wishing I'd be with her, dreaming dreams together , wishing we would be one forever.
Then struck reality and slapped me in the face, for reasons unknown she said she couldn't go on with this deep down in the ocean I was drowning, chained to sorrow and grief inviting. Convinced her but in vain, then convinced myself once more to be slain.

Slurps and Puffs did me in, why some good , they did me awesome, yes I should, one night as I lay beside a woman I hardly knew, I forgot how my soul-mate got over the agony and woe.
She had tortured herself in dilemma and confusion although she said no she loved me more than before.

Married to another I was wondering she would soon fade from memory, anger rage or wrath call it if you will, all these she showered on me still. I spoke never again with her and neither did she.Sweet blossoms of misery, closed all my sadness, locked it up well, threw away the key and both decided to rot in hell.

May be I can stop feeling sad, May be not feel anything at all. Numbness and the dark scathing pain inane, screaming thoughts that drive me insane.
I don't belong to her, I never will she will never be mine, she never will.
Goodness I can stop living,certainly can I!
But I can't stop loving her, Why? Why? must I?

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

Eh ? wondering what this title means or as usual has the goblin decided to talk in abstruse sentences..... A short weekend trip to somewhere always opens your eyes to newer meanings of life I think...
Look at the picture I have taken above ...Outside a realtor's office this selfless flower was basking in the sun giving to the world what it is best at.....flaunting it's beauty with grace but at the same time being oblivious of the fact that it is so beautiful....So unlike us Humans right????

"Objects in mirror are closer than they appear ," This statement of Caution on the passenger side rear view mirror bears a lot of things that it wishes to convey (implicitly)...another of those things that dawn upon you when you think critically or when you are amused about language....
The mirror is convex, the mirror thus compresses reality...The mirror thus decieves you?????? Just like reality sometimes ??? and so the warning..Beware...what you think is impending Doom could be closer than you think.

Good vegetarian food can be amazingly tasty too.For all you meat lovers try eating a pita burger next time,it's awesome. Soy milk doesn't taste all that bad and cooking without any oil at all 100 points for being so health conscious. Unusual and new concept but try doing it atleast once in a while. Will save a lot of money on health care in the long run I think.

Ice Skating... It isn't as easy as it looks. Again reality is deceptive. However it is great fun trying to do what you thought was easy and what your ego begs to differ with your skill and tries to push your limits to perform better than you possibly can.
Do not fall. If you do; do not cry because when you wear roller blades, go on slippery ice and don't have any idea how to balance yourself....The only rational thing that can happen at that moment is the act of FALLING.....so the only thing you can do is probably minimize the impact of your fall

And Lastly.....Moments with friends....PRICELESS...This trip had a lot of firsts.....First one with my closest friend, first one visiting a nearby state, first one driving , first time ice skating and yes first one I was not bored for even a minute ever for TWO WHOLE DAYS...yeah for me that is quite an achievement.....

Weaving in , weaving out!

Time just never seems to stand still. I often wonder what it would be like to reverse the hourglass and stare at every moment slip backwards. Well not a very interesting proposition I guess. The glorious moments do tempt me to wish for this 'wish' but the hard times tug at my shoulder and warn me not to do this perilous mistake of asking for trouble yet again.
People come and people go. Often times they spend worthless moments pulling each others legs, talking about how cool is someone and how uncool is that Mr. X out there quietly locked up in his shell of security. Little do they think how important that shell is to that Mr.X's sheer existence. Well and then to add to this misery they call all this the ' In Vogue' attitude. Nevermind these distracting thoughts, what is important is thinking of how some others weave in and out of our life and leave a distinct pattern. Often we fail to cherish these colors woven into dangerously beautiful patterns but after a while when the paint dries and the brush still by a window sill, we do applaud the picture painted by the wall!!!!!
A small gasp, a hustle, a chuckle, giggles galore and tremendous energy are always a surprising element in a life which is as blank as a nomad's next 'life map'.
Unplanned life and a spirit for trying new paths is what keeps this flame of life burning ever so bright.
Now I may sound utterly Bard like or I may bore you to death with my philospohical arm strectching out high up above my head trying to search in the open skies, a cloud, an idea , a secret................ But nevertheless a thing I wish to share..............
Live in the moment for we know not when it would pass, Let it pass and when it does , don't sigh, Just look up and smile and wonder how???? and Why ???? . Don't reason just ask, Don't expect just accept. Don't think ,JUST BE!

Saying Goodbye

Bidding Goodbyes has always been hard , friends closeby when they travel miles apart

Little can you say to say what you feel, little emotion is hardly any deal.

I will miss you my friend when you are far gone.

I will miss you so much although a new life you'd have begun

May you get all you want, may all your dreams come true

May you have the world's riches and a Ford Mustang too...........

All I wish to say is I will never forget you.......and so don't you too!!!!

####### This post is dedicated to my best friend here and probably that one person I am thankful for sticking around through thick and thin by my side................... Love you a lot dearest friend and will always be here for you....... Good Luck... #######

Crash

Crash a word that eliminates distance , crash a word that means elimination ??

Last time the sun set in the sea i dreamt of a bright sky,

Goodness how time just flies by,

the little bird by my window sits with a broken wing

aiming in the air, hoping to fly in,

I talk to it every morning when I wish my voice be heard

May he heed to my wishes and fly high above.

When the wind blows i quickly close in my window,

not a wisp of fresh air do I want to mess my abode

little do i wonder what it would be like, to let the wisp of air

help me rebuild!

Long before there is dawn, the dusk sets in

there is no going of darkness and in comes a ray

sunrise it is, peaceful and far from despair.

In so many words I say what I could never have

In so many words I tell myself what is

A mystery to me, and to all

A WAR FOR THEM , A LUNCH FOR OTHERS

Yesterday the day began so early. Got up and saw two tensed roomies hovering around my room waiting for me to wake up since I had already switched of my alarm twice in event of trying to sleep five minutes more. There was so much to be done. They say a lot of imperfect things make one perfect picture. I totally believe in this now since we had an awesome team built here while cooking this lunch for friends.
Initially the ideas for the war strategies were pouring in. Menu was a tough choice because we were probably handicapped with our limited supply of cooking ammenities, and capabilities but finally with some external (foreign hand ) support we managed to pull of this secret operation successfully. Paneer Nawabi (Just assorted veggies mixed with paneer and tons of gravy, Raita / Salad , Parathas (indian form of bread) and ice cream it was going to be.
Cutting, Chopping, grating and then more mixing and sauteing and other such words that served in the third order of the Cookery army ...took part in this massive operation.Pots rallied and it was the pans that won over.The spoons had an upperhand, heat was a detrimental factor since constant cooling was required for all the soldiers either in the form of warm or cold beverages.
The onions were slaughtered and the potatoes mercilessly boiled in hot water, Tomato puree sacrificied it's life for the curry's sake and the cocunut oozed out some oil before taking it's last breath.However all was invain ! The paneer nawabi had to be made and had to be made soon.The paneer itself tried hard to stick around, froze and then gave up when the bold microwave took over. It was a battle trying to pepper in some sense in the paneer but little did the paneer understand that it's difficult behavior was only making the warriors more determined in the tasks to eliminate all ice and drown it in blobs of red tangy sauce.
The onions minced and mixed with some corriander were sauted, the puree added and a truce was signed after the paneer compromised and gave up finally after a tough battle that lasted a good ten minutes. Operation Paneer Nawabi was over. Objective accomplished.
On to the next battle the warriors marched. It was the Paratha Challenge.A good host of 54 parathas waited to take form.Cooperation was hard to find. The Dough acted all sticky and didn't want to be parted .But as always ' Divide and Rule' worked and finally small dough balls were blasted and rolled, battered down flat by the rolling pin.The wooden torture for them didn't suffice the need for control so they were then subjected to the hot pan treatment and a third degree temperature assured firm reforms.
In the end the 54th paratha saw the last light when it joined its other companions in the steel chamber where they were imprisoned , awaiting their TRIAL.
Raita (salad) was a piece of cake after all these tough battles. The raw veggies used for coleslaw , the cucumbers and the tomatoes that were hiding behind the cold walls of the refrigerator were all driven out mercilessly. Without any further notice they were chopped off. A slice, a cut and gone..................... The were ready to be buried in heaps of yoghurt and other allied forces of the spice country.A good stir and the last cries were lost in the cold waves of the serbian deserts of the refrigerator.
The flags of the winning warriors were hoisted. Then peace established. Treaties signed and benefits declared.Sweets followed and the deserted wine was popped open with galore!!!!!!!!!

---------***>><<***-----------------***>><<***------------------------

D o s t - (b) l o g

This blurb of words, I write as a Thanks to friends who walked in and out of my life or are here to stay and have made a big big impact on my life............................
Naming names is not very nice so all of them stay anonymous but I will give them a nick name that I identify them with.

So beginning from the very beginning of life here are a few who are far far away!!!!

Telegu Amma
A friend for life but only connected through letters and e-mails and all such things that we communicated with and are still communicating for the over a decade now. This friend and I have shared exciting adventures of trying to cook real food in ‘pretend - play utensils’ (read bhatukli/ ghargatta) and we have sat on top of cupboards and done rallies with our bicycles…………………this brainy babe works for IBM and soon….hopefully soon I will meet her I guess…..in either of our weddings if that happens or otherwise.

Inspirational Dude
Memories of teenage are usually so hard to dissolve in the confusion of life but some are really hard to let go. One such guy that I know of was an ace business man even at the age of 12. He actually made me believe that spirits exist …..Successfully managed to fool me in the various games we played…….let me play cricket with him and other guys. His intelligence was an inspiration and yeah his looks something to drool on…..don’t mean to sound too nostalgic but my first tid - bits of Marathi slang (information) was gathered from this dude……Can talk 24*7…….and can talk sense that long!
Time never stands still and we lost touch but became friends again….different places, different time…..manners persisted though!

The Obsessive Perfectionist
She is the reason why I am doing what I am doing today. Have known her for about almost 10 years. A lot changed over this time….she went from being single to being someone’s wife and me from a masters’ degree holder to second masters but our friendship has been ever so wonderful! Different countries but telepathy rules…Punctuality, need for orderliness and determination is what I learnt from her. I wouldn’t have cleared even 11th grade had it not been for her earnest desire to wake me and take me to college with her to write the final exam which I conveniently had forgotten about………Kudos to her determination…….

The ‘CRAZier’ than me Gypsy
When in doubt call her! That is the rule I live by. However I say crazier because I identify with her too well. Do regard myself to be a little crazy if not much. So this one…..really don’t know how became such good friends with her but one thing’s for sure she understands me perfectly. Amazing at counseling, happens to take it up as her profession soon ……and yes one thing about her….she is never afraid to face fear in the face. Never will a friend hear “I don’t have time from her”. People say I will always be there for you but she follows that sentence to the T. Let’s see where life takes us from here.

Sensitive Brat
Heard of anyone throwing hard snow peas at someone’s wedding instead of rice lentils? Heard of anyone putting chicken in the refrigerator and hiding it there for a week when your mom (strictly against meat) doesn’t allow it? Well some of the things this pal of mine has accomplished. At the same time things like a friends’ farewell can make his eyes moist! A romantic to the core, he hates to take a book in his hands but can write wonderful verses if need be !!!!!!!
It doesn’t take too many notes to strike a chord with him and yet we share a good rapport. Been through a lot of rough times in life…..Been friends for too short a time but will always have a lot of respect and care for each others’ livelihood.

So thanks to each one of you for being you!!!

Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends."- Richard Bach

Tic tic one , tic tic two........Give up?

Tic tic one ...tic tic two...says the chime now,

what would be the next thing you want me to give up on?

I gave up a smoke for you got suffocated,

gave up the shot, cause you feel nauseated,

gave up shoppping because the bank wouldn't let me buy more,

going to give up chocolates cause the greys won't leave my hair alone.

Gone are the habits of hanging around idle coz, the world beckons hard work

going to leave a date for there seems no future for a dork!

get to the point and got to give up a dream,

money doesn't suffice to fund every team

looks i gave up on thinking i'd concentrate on the brains,

brains didn't work whose fault was it anyways????

So then giving up a life for which i traded happiness of other,

in the end no one was happy , rather there was just an expectation to shatter.

A score and something spent on giving up things, embracing vaccum , pitching in sacrifice

I think tic tic one ......tic tic........two............I gave up something to replace it with eternal peace!